scacynewise

OK, here I am again. And here I am blogging again. Go figure, right?

I have the opportunity to go to a museum exhibition in Nashville of ancient Egyptian artifacts tomorrow. It's a school trip, and it will count as one of the "cultural experiences" I have to write about for Humanities. I will have Amy with me this weekend, so not sure if she will want to. I'm betting not, especially since it's Anime Saturday at the downtown library (they're showing the anime version of Metropolis, which I've seen before and like). Also, not sure if I can afford the trip...it's $14 for my admission to the museum (she gets in free), plus whatever we'd eat up there. Also, might have to drive myself or pay someone some gas money. So probably could not get out of the trip for less than $50 or so, and that's just too dear (to be British) right now.

My reaction to leaving Chatt. last night, I think, is a stress reaction. I'm just stressed. I look forward to seeing Amy this weekend, but it's stress as well...I have to drive to Cartersville and pick her up tonight, then we have to make sure her laundry gets done, and I have to entertain her somehow. Then have to drive back to Cartersville Sunday evening to drop her off. I hate driving long distances (1 hour-plus) by myself, and I have to do way too much of that here lately. Also, not sure what my money situation is, and almost scared to look. So stressed about that.

Made an 86 on my Psychology test today. I'm quite happy with that. Discussed my idea for a term paper with Dr. Hoff, which he approved. Have already started doing the research. I'm going to do the paper on the phenomenon of self-injury. The term paper is optional, I'm doing it to get an A in the class. With B test scores and the term paper, I think I can pull an A out of that class. The term paper counts 20 points extra credit.

Avery asked me to see The Departed last night, but as it was already midnight and had an 8 AM psych test, I declined (so I can be responsible, right?). Have to Google that movie and see what it's about, as Amy will probably want to see it and I need to check it out first to see if I will be able to stand it! I've already told her she'll have to find someone else for Saw III, I don't think I can hack that one. I didn't see Saw I or II either, and won't! Avery has told me too much about those, I know better than to subject myself to either one of them!

We (Avery and I) did go see Jackass II on Tuesday, it was mindless and really stupid, just what he and I both needed.

Wow, how about a very timely update??? Linda, one of Avery's roommates, just called me. Seems they all have to move out of where they are in Rossville ASAP because the local police keep harassing them about having out-of-state plates on their respective cars. They are all college students there! Seems like the cops would find something better to do than harass college students, but what do I know? Anyway, she wanted to know if I could afford to move in with her. The place she's found is $550 a month. I told her I can't afford a 2-way split, but I could do a 3-way, and I asked her if she'd be interested in sharing the 2-bedroom with Avery and me. She said that would be fine. So I just left a message for Avery (he's still asleep most likely) to see if he could do it.

God, is this the answer to a prayer of mine, that You would find a way for me to get out of my parents' house? I must pray fervently about this, and listen to what God would have me do.

I am also going to check out this part-time gig at the library. Gotta go!

I feel kinda like I've lost my way. Let me explain, if I can...

Last Saturday night, Teresa, Nina and I went to the Michael W. Smith concert. Awesome concert, and I really needed it as much stress as I've been under with Amy. Then, we all went to eat because we were all starving.

Teresa then proceeds to bash me over the head verbally! She started really being verbally aggressive, telling me she didn't understand why I wasn't going to school in Atlanta because that's where Amy is, that's my daughter after all, and why would I not do anything I could to help her, etc., etc. Just a very judgmental tone to the whole thing. So I told her the conversation had to stop because I felt very judged and it did. Then there were several minutes of awkward silence and Nina started talking again. The evening ended up better, and I was able to explain my point of view to her a little better.

But anyway, for some reason all day today her comment about me being in Atlanta for Amy has really stuck in my head. Why am I not down there? I could just as easily do the BSW program at Georgia State and live in the dorms down there.

I really don't feel like there's much holding me here in Chattanooga anymore. And that confuses me, because I always thought I loved Chattanooga (that's called "place identity," for all you SW people out there, we learned that in HBSE) and would never live any place else ever again.

But then again, if I did live down there, would it really change how much time we get to spend together? And also, how much more of a butt would Ray be if we lived in the same city? Which were the original reasons I decided not to move down there in the first place.

(sigh) I don't know. I'm stressed out. Midterms are here. I hate Spanish. It's getting hard. I hate having my attention divided between schoolwork, church, and Amy wacking out. I hate living at home. Mom has gone from depressed to practically morose, and Curtis is crazier than ever. Even my CoDA group is not much help anymore. All this free-floating anxiety is probably my stress level catching up to me. I need to probably go home, study for my psychology test tomorrow, and get some sleep, i.e., take care of ME, not everyone else.

I need to get back into the gym for stress relief, if nothing else.

It's been a long time (or feels like it anyway) since I have done a really good update. So I have extra time today, think I'll take care of that. Had a midterm in HBSE today. Think I did OK, at least a B. She gave extra credit (up to 4 points) which I did all of. 50 questions, all multiple choice or true/false. Have a psychology test Friday. Was given take-home midterm in Cultural Diversity (should be not much fun AT ALL).

Had to go to the emergency room last night. Skipped Spanish again (although Senora Bautista told me last week if I needed to it was OK). I have never been so frustrated with medical care (or lack of it) in all my life. I was in pretty good pain by the time I got there (after taking a hydrocodone about 4 PM, and not getting in there till about 4:45 and still being in pain). I didn't have to wait long, but the doctor they sent in to see me was quite rude. He said that the ER there would not see me for "non-emergency" care anymore. (Since when does someone doubled over with pain count as "not an emergency"?) This is being done region-wide, he said, because many people are using the ER as primary care (duh again, if you don't have insurance, you don't have much choice). He said if my condition had been going on for 3 weeks it was "not an emergency." (Didn't mention to him that it would not have gone on for 3 weeks if I had had access to adequate medical care, duh AGAIN!) When I told him I had been treating my pain with hydrocodone, first question out of his mouth was "where did you get it?" Like I'm some kind of narcotic drug abuser or something! (Just to keep it straight, it was an old prescription that I never used all of.) So they took blood and urine to rule out anything with urinary tract, then I had to wait 45 minutes, then got discharged...with a prescription for IBUPROFEN! Right! Like that's going to really help anything. I didn't even get it filled. And he diagnosed ovarian cysts again but did NO ultrasound or x-ray to really determine this! So really a total waste of time at the ER last night.

I have an appointment at a clinic in Trenton about 45 minutes away on Monday. At least they will see me with no insurance, but don't know what they can do for gynecological care there. Also I made an appointment to see a gynecologist with the Catoosa Co. Health Dept., but could not get that appointment till December 22! I sure won't have enough pain meds to last till then.

This CAN'T go on that long, can it?

It's kinda shocking to me how suddenly I'm living my life based on what my pain will let me do. Or in spite of what my pain wants me to do, maybe I should say. I'm still in school. So I drive 1/2 hour each way to school every day, and when you're in pain, that's a LONG FREAKING TIME. I drove to Atlanta Monday night to see Amy, and I have to say that the pain then was probably the worst pain I have EVER had besides childbirth.

Are there others out there that read my LJ that deal with chronic pain issues or know people that do? I'm getting a little nervous and scared here. If I end up having to have a hysterectomy, I'll have to drop out of school this semester (I'll be out of commission for 6 weeks or more). I almost wish I could have the hysterectomy, though -- at least this would fully resolve the pain situation. Or at least just take the left ovary out. Something...

Amy is out of the hospital. She got out yesterday. She's not out of the woods yet, but I saw her last night and she seems much better.

I am in a lot of ongoing pain. Driving to Atlanta last night, I had some of the worst pain I have ever experienced. It was like giving birth (on the same scale, in other words). I took a hydrocodone about 5 PM, and didn't really feel better till almost 9 PM. Haven't had any pain so far today until now, and it's starting up faintly again. If it continues and gets worse tonight after I get home, I'm going to the ER. I have had this for roughly 3 weeks now. It needs to be fixed one way or another.

I have a midterm in HBSE tomorrow that I feel woefully unprepared for. And of course, I'm updating my BLOG! We MUST get our priorities straight, right? lol...

Oh, I've lost 11 pounds, not sure how, but hey I'll take it! Also on the "appearance" front, Avery and I got to do the hair thing on Saturday, and my hair color is great! Amy said I'm all "goldy" when she saw it last night; she loves it, and so do I!

Praying for:

Amy of course. Also, her dad, my ex Ray. He's very stressed.
Avery. His uncle Gene is in the hospital with blood clots and pneumonia. He had surgery yesterday, and they removed 2 blood clots from his legs, but he's on a ventilator and still has the pneumonia to deal with. Haven't been updated today on what's going on, not yet.
Ann, a lady at my church. She has bladder cancer, and had to have her bladder removed. She's still in the hospital, she got an infection subsequent to surgery.
Ann's son, Willie. He has a scooter and got in an accident on the scooter while Ann was still in the hospital. They, of course, are in the same hospital...pretty weird, huh?

Gotta go and at least make an effort to study...

Thanks to everyone that posted.

Thanks also to Avery. Sweetie, I don't know how I'd have gotten through this week without you. I'm not done yet, but you've really been a lifeline when I have needed it.

Also, to Teresa...she doesn't even have a computer (!), but she has been a true angel in all of this. Supportive and kind.

The praise team at church all prayed for Amy, Ray and me Wed. night. They laid hands on me, and I felt God's comforting presence during that time.

Amy is touch and go. Saw her last night. She's flat and emotionless. We are being told that if she won't involve herself in outpatient therapy and she can't keep herself safe, she will have to go back into someplace long-term.

I'm tired. Going home, by way of lunch I think.

So I'm in the student center. I never go to the student center, and I need to make more of a habit of it. There are TONS of computers in here, and just all over the place! Considering that I don't do much on the computer other than putz around though, I probably ought to use the computers over at the library more because they are more strict about what you use these computers for. Mainly they are to be used just for schoolwork and checking campus email. And there is a print limit over here, which there is not in the library.

So I got on campus early to go to the BSU. They have a Wed. worship service, so I went to that, and they were also looking for singers for their praise team, so I told them I was interested. Spoke to a very hyper young man named Bill (I think?) who got my 2 emails and cell # and told me he'd contact me about a practice time, etc. Their music needs help. Just a guitar and two guys singing right now. Don't know that I have all that much to offer, but that's not my call, is it? It's an opportunity to do something else to serve the Kingdom that is an outreach from what I'm already doing, and I feel like I need to try it anyway.

Psychology test on Friday, 82 on it. Humanities test as well, and I OWNED THAT TEST! I loved it! Everyone in my humanities class hates me, and I was told that if Dr. Harrelson gave us a curve for grades, I was *required* to purposefully fail the test. LOL, I don't think so!

OK, to recap the weekend:

1. Had Amy this weekend. We had a pretty good time, although my energy level was way down most of the day Saturday.
2. I got my ears pierced Sat.! I've never had my ears pierced in my life!
3. Amy went and hung out with Ryan and Kelli on Sat. night.
4. Sunday church was good. Not great, but good. I was still hoarse and cruddy, so I didn't sound as good as I would have liked.
5. Amy and I went to lunch Sunday with Avery & Sara, Erin, and Rachel (who I finally met after hearing tons about her from Avery, one of his old Lee Univ. friends). We had a blast!
6. After dropping Amy off with her dad at 3:30 or so, went back to Teresa's and we went downtown to a Sun. night worship service close to UTC. It was OK, Teresa was way more excited about it than I was. Their music was kinda rough-edged as well.
7. Spent the night at Teresa's Sun. night again (Amy and I had been at her house all weekend as it was), and had a long talk with her Sun. night. She's quite desperate for a boyfriend, and talked to her about maybe toning it down some? Hope she got it...
8. Mon. morning had orientation at The Rush. Very painful, and I'm still sore!
9. Then went to get my hair cut a little shorter to show off my earrings better and because the bangs were a little too long.
10. Then went to Lenoir City with Avery. He's thinking about trading in Arthur (his car, called so because of the big dent in the back, you know, Arthur Dent? If you don't get it, read the Hitchhiker Books by Douglas Adams...) for a 2001 Hyundai Sonata. It's a nice car, and very blue. Then went to Cleveland to Hollywood Video (where he used to work) and stopped in at the Supercuts next door, as he thought he wanted his hair trimmed. He also was going to pay for me to get my hair colored (he thinks lighter would be better, and I agree) but we didn't have time. So we ate at Shoney's, then came back to Chatt. and went to game at Glenn and Karen's house. We were there until 12:30 or so. Then came home and collapsed into bed.

My mom and I had a fight about leftovers last night. She was like, "that's very filling," so I asked her "do you mean don't eat all of that?" And she said, "yeah, that's what I mean." Now, that comment just flew all over me, as I haven't even been home for 3 days and she's already acting like I eat her out of house and home!!! So I put it all back and went to Cracker Barrel. Then I went home, changed, and walked for almost an hour at The Rush. I didn't really mean to go so long, but Boston Legal was on TV and it was the season premiere, and JS was looking SO fine...time just got away from me, but there at the end I was pretty sore so I did quit before the episode ended.

My gosh, this is a long entry! Gotta get to class...

OK, got TWO traffic tickets over the weekend. First one I got on Friday morning, as I was speeding down I-75 on the way to Dalton and school. I was running late to class, and had a test that morning (which I made an 82 on, not too bad for not having studied hardly at all). He clocked me at 86????!!!! Well, I don't doubt it totally, maybe one mph or two off, but not enough to fight about.

So THEN I get stopped today in Dalton for NOT WEARING A SEAT BELT, of all things (I ALWAYS WEAR IT, just decided not to that particular instant because I was going right back to campus after having eaten lunch). And I prayed I would not get another ticket, but I did anyway.

So the cop walks back to his car after having given me said ticket, and I burst into tears.

What gives with that? Am I hormonal or menopausal? A very frustrating emotional response on my part, and I didn't feel entirely in control of it. I got dried up pretty quickly, but it just worries me that my emotions are so hair-trigger sometimes.

There's a lot more to blog, of course, but I'll have to catch it up tomorrow, as I have to do some Spanish and then get to Spanish class.

Well, here I am...

Had plans all day today, but they got changed...so ended up sleeping late, going to late brekky at Waffle House (which I'm STILL full from), and going to class. Actually got on campus early and studied, what a novel concept, and now I'm in the library wasting time.

I have tests in psychology and humanities on Friday. Humanities is no big deal, and I don't think the psychology will be too bad either. We will review for the humanities test for the entire first half of class and then take the test.

I need to write a letter to the GA child support people asking for a hearing. They want me to start paying $310 a month for Amy AND carry health insurance on her. My only guaranteed income right now is $600 a month, and I can't even carry insurance on me, thank you very much. So guess I'll do that here in a minute.

Still can't get over how much better I feel from this past weekend!

Get Amy again this weekend, and not sure what we'll do. She is non-committal as always. It's quite frustrating how I have such a non-opinionated child. Especially with me being so opinionated!

Not much else to say, except maybe nos vemos (see you later in Spanish)? Don't know enough HTML to be able to do the punctuation like it should be (upside-down question mark), so oh well.

OK, so turned into bronchitis over the weekend, because I really could not stop and recover from the 2nd bout of sinusitis (when your classes only meet once a week, you really can't miss anything). My mom *did* take me to the ER on Saturday (and to Walgreen's to get drugs, will wonders never cease!). But then was reading the sheet on caring for bronchitis and it said "do not smoke, and do not let anyone else around you smoke." So I said, JOKINGLY, "guess I'm confined to my room, huh?" And she, SERIOUSLY, said "yeah, I guess you are." Nice, huh?

But erythromycin is doing its job and I feel worlds better now.

Now, wish I felt better emotionally. Partly it's the weather...cloudy and rainy and cooler (which is always good, fall is on the way), but partly it's I don't know what. Me being hormornal probably.

Classes are very good. Learned I am a racist and a white supremacist in Cultural Diversity today, yay, right??? (!) Dr. Cleland says that her class is one part lecture and one part psychotherapy, so I should just love it (have always loved therapy). The thing is, if you're white in the US, you are most likely just as much of a racist and a white supremacist as I am. Imagine a world where if you walk into a supermarket and get a flesh-colored bandage, it doesn't match your flesh. Imagine if all the dolls were dark-skinned and not white (when's the last time you saw an African-American Barbie?). Imagine that you had to worry about going into Wal-Mart and being accused of stealing just because of your skin. That's the world we live in, guys. That's reality. A little jarring and disconcerting, but mind-expanding.

Avery and I joined The Rush, a health club place open here 24/7. That's why we joined, so we can go at 12 midnight and no one has to see our jiggly bodies trying to get less jiggly. But now we're having trouble getting there. I've been sick and he's just been...I don't know. You'd have to ask him.

Teresa may have found me a date. She went out with this guy named Jeff last night (I think her parents fixed her up with him?), but she says he's too old for her (he's 39). So she asked me if I would like to go out with him, and I said sure, I guess. Of course, this is contingent upon if he would want to go out with me or not, and there's always the possibility that he will say no, so trying not to get too excited about it.

Seemed like there was a lot more I wanted to say, and now that I'm here, can't think of a thing. Except I woke up way too early this morning and felt very frustrated. I need to move out SO BAD. I feel like that's a lot of the reason I got sick and stayed sick last week. I'm feeling again like I'm in a holding pattern, waiting on God's will to unfold and getting bored with marking time.

Oh, something kinda weird and funny...it was raining when I came into the library so I got my big umbrella out of the back floorboard of the car, put it up and went into the library. As I was putting it down, one of the little attacher things with Velcro on it was bright blue (my umbrella is black and white) and sticky. I was able to determine that it was coated with laundry detergent. When Amy was here on Labor Day weekend, I bought a small bottle of detergent for her to do her laundry with, and I left it in the car (in a bag, I think...I hope). I hope the back passenger-side floorboard of my car is not a sticky puddle of Gain (or whatever it was I bought). How would I even begin to clean that? At least my car smells good, I had noticed that.

The Wicker Man -- Oh, my word, how annoying this movie was! The ending SUCKS! Memorable line: "The drone must die!" I'll never look at bees the same way again, let me tell you... Overall grade: D

The Illusionist -- I really had high hopes for this movie. And overall, I liked it very much. However, was already half sick and we saw a very late showing Mon. night, so there were a few slow parts that I actually dozed off on. I had maybe a couple of issues with some minor plot points, but generally it was good. Overall grade: B-.

Some logistical stuff...Teresa asked for some time with me tonight to talk about something happening with her work, but then she texted me back later and canceled. Just as well, I think after praise team practice I'm going home (maybe by way of a drive-thru, or maybe not) and sleep. Haven't decided yet, and of course there's the very real possibility (I'M STRONGLY HOPING) that praising God tonight will revive me a little bit. I really don't feel so bad now as just very, very tired. Would like to have a nap now, as a matter of fact...zzzzzz....

Never did get hold of Amy last night, called her at 8:45 and she was already in bed, and turned out she didn't go to school or Driver's Ed yesterday because she was so sick. Will try again tonight.

Too much to write about, and it's late already.

I'm sick again. Another sinus infection. Sigh. Antibiotics cost $75 this time, plus a prescription for Darvocet that I went ahead and got filled because it might come in handy.

HAD THE BEST WEEKEND WITH AMY EVER! Saw two movies, went to Opry Mills in Nashville on Sunday afternoon.

Can't really write any more. Need to call Amy and see how she is feeling (she's sick too, probably where I got it from) and eat dinner and go home and study...what a shocking concept, right?

I can't find it so...

Pulse -- Very scary movie. Only PG-13, but as scary as a PG-13 movie can be. Very apocalyptic ending. Really good. Overall grade -- B.

Well, we decided not to come back to Chattanooga tonight after all. Traffic was hideous, and it was 4:15 or so before I even got here. We'll be back in town tomorrow.

I had to get us a room in Chattanooga because Teresa's sick. She called me and she's been throwing up everything, even water. So needless to say, I'm not going over there! But got a good deal on the room anyways.

Amy's asleep.

Avery is talking about all of us going to Opry Mills on Sunday. By "all" I mean him, me, Amy, Sara, and Erin. Erin may not be able to go, and then it will be up to Sara & Avery whether they want "couple time" or if Amy and I are welcome. If we don't get to go with them Sunday, Amy, Avery and I will do something together on Monday probably, as Sara has class on Monday. Avery made me promise I would not look up Opry Mills on the internet, as I've never been there and neither has Amy. I'm kinda excited to go, but not getting too excited because it may not work out.

Oh, more movie reviews, or at least one more:

Beerfest -- Really dumb. A lot of boobs and beer, like what did we expect? But quite funny in at least a couple of places. Still, not as funny as I'd hoped it would be. Not as funny as, say, Scary Movie 4. Overall grade -- C.

Did I review Pulse? I have to look and see. If I didn't, I'll put in another entry and review it. It was very good. Amy wants to see Wicker Man. I want to see The Illusionist.

Got to campus early and got on the computer in the library. Big mistake. I ended up screwing around and MISSING MY SPANISH CLASS ALTOGETHER. What a genius I am! I'm even wearing a watch! Sigh.

Oh, well, if I was going to miss, this was the class to miss. We're doing a worksheet about cultural things about the Latin community, and she even told us we would not be graded on it. So good.

Anyway, guess what! I'm now officially in this century...I have a cell phone! It's a cool one too! Avery put me on his plan and bought himself a REALLY spiffy new one and gave me his old one. So anyway, I really like it and was up till 2 last night playing with it. Wow, what gives with me...I have a computer AND a cell phone at the same time. Get me high-speed internet and the world is my oyster!

I'm starving. I'm still in Dalton. May call Teresa or Avery and see if they want to have dinner. I'm really hungry, and I don't have time to make it to CoDA. Don't really want to go anyway.

Not much else to say. But happy!

OK, so Saturday was quiet. I studied a lot. I cooked.

Then I went to church Sunday...worship was great. But Avery and I had a little friction, no big deal...but you know, when you spend a lot of time with someone, and then they do something that just annoys the mess out of you? That happened Sunday. Avery got really really annoyed at me, and not over anything huge, just something I did and something I said hit him wrong. He apologized for it later, but not sure how much he needed to. It just happens.

So I was at home Sunday afternoon, and Glenn called me and *very strongly suggested* that I come over and help unload the trailer of stuff from Foxes. It was going to be him, Crystal, and me at that point...and that was it. So he also asked me to get the shire phone list out and make calls. So I did that, and got some additional people. It really all worked out OK, we got the trailer unloaded in no time...and then I started hearing the war stories from the event, and I really started feeling guilty. Turns out, only SEVEN of our shire ran that event ALL WEEKEND! So everyone was irritable, tired, mad at those of us who didn't show up, all the bad stuff. So I felt better that I could at least come over and help a little and redeem myself somewhat. It's a good thing too, because I was worried about my friendship with Glenn and Karen, not to mention our RPG relationship.

So, Monday morning, I went to Avery's and we walked. Not for long, as it started sprinkling rain, but we probably could have finished if we had wanted to as it turns out. Then, I called him about 3 or so because Glenn called me and wanted to move gaming time up to 6 PM so Karen could participate before she fell asleep for the night. So I went over to his place so we could chat about some recent developments in his life and we went over in his car.

Well, we had the best time gaming and we were over at Glenn and Karen's till about 2 AM! Avery is a born RPG-er and a real leader in our group, which we DESPERATELY NEEDED because Gary was trying to lead, and he gets off on too many tangents and is too indecisive. But we all had a GREAT time, and Avery has 2 more friends that want to join...so now the question is where do we have this now? Glenn and Karen's house is maxing out on room. Avery said he probably could get the party room at the Rave for us, but that leaves Nicky out, Glenn and Karen's baby. Don't know how that's going to work out.

I GET AMY ALL LABOR DAY WEEKEND! Woo-hoo!

MY FINANCIAL AID DROPPED! I didn't get as much as I was hoping though...just my Pell and one month's stipend, so I'm not going to get it all at once like I was hoping. But hey, anything is better than NOTHING, which is what I had! And actually, it's probably better for me that I don't get it all at once. With my track record of financial irresponsibility, you know? So now, I really need to look at this money and my list that I made about a month ago, and be very careful and prioritize and budget. Unless I get a part-time job (I can only work 15 hours a week, according to Dalton State Title IV-E policy), this money has to last a month. Ha, ha, I know. It's not much when you look at it like that. So I really need some additional ongoing income.

Oh, Will and Becca are having the "orphan's Thanksgiving" at their house again this year. Will talked to me about it Sunday as we were unloading the truck. I miss them very much, and haven't seen little Rachel in forever, bet she's grown like a weed!

Oh, and Monday night, found out Diane's mother passed away sometime Monday, I believe it was. Don't know when the funeral/viewing is, but will be sure to go to both if I can. I met Diane and Randy shortly after I met Scott, in 1980 (!), so I've known them forever and love them both dearly.

I blog because:

1. I have to. It's become like breathing now.
2. I need to express myself, even if NO ONE reads it (which I KNOW not to be true).
3. It helps me with my writing skill.
4. I love it. Frankly. Am I just narcissistic?

I was going to try to come up with 15 reasons, but I can't think of any more right now. I LOVE BLOGGING. I'm so glad I started. I've been thinking up reasons to come to the library all day to blog! I've really missed not being able to blog the past 2-3 days.

So, Foxes...I didn't go. It's like this...it's 30 miles (approx.) one way to site from my house. If I didn't stay on site, that's 120 miles, or roughly 1/2 tank of gas in my car. My folks bought my last tank, and they were not happy about the prospect of me using my gas for this event. Karen offered to pay for my gas, but then there's the site fee (which Traveler offered to pay for) and food. Food was the one that hung me up. My mom got laid off this week, and since then she's made a point not to eat very much. There was no way in good conscience I could have taken any food on site with me to eat, and I have no money to buy any. And I was supposed to work troll from 4-10 PM or maybe later. I'd have had to have something on site to eat.

An additional problem is the heat. The older I get, the less I operate well with heat. I am prone to very frequently get heat stroke and heat exhaustion. So it's better this way, but my co-dependent self hates that I "let my group down," whether I actually did or not. I'm sure they got along fine without me, but it's just that I had promised to be there and then could not.

Karen and Glenn were not overjoyed either. They of course said "do whatever you have to do," but they said it very tersely. Just hope that they're not terribly angry with me...but if they are, I really can't help it. I have to take care of me, and I have to make choices based on my priorities right now. So, we'll just have to see what happens.

Watched Rent again last night, Starz has it on now. Got my folks to watch it, and they actually LIKED IT...pretty weird, I know. I had to explain a lot to them, they didn't realize Angel was a drag queen, and I had to explain who had AIDS and who didn't.

My financial aid drops Wednesday! WOO-HOO!

And the other part of this entry title...I just feel like I'm about to start on the next part of my life. I don't know why I feel that way. Just waiting. Feel like Tony in West Side Story. You know..."could be....who knows...". Corny, but fits.