#4 SRK from RNBDJ

New Beginning

Let's try this again, shall we?

Since I am REALLY too old to go trick-or-treating...the next best thing!
#4 SRK from RNBDJ
My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
scacynewise goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as a pirate lady.
arkaycee gives you 18 brown vanilla-flavoured gummy worms.
averypenguin tricks you! You lose 12 pieces of candy!
fleaplus gives you 2 tan grape-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
heatermcca gives you 9 milky white lime-flavoured jawbreakers.
moose_noel_wolf gives you 14 brown blueberry-flavoured jawbreakers.
noni3 gives you 9 milky white cherry-flavoured pieces of taffy.
options3000 gives you 8 orange tropical-flavoured gummy bats.
someoneelse2you gives you 15 light yellow chocolate-flavoured pieces of taffy.
toddzgrrl02 gives you 8 yellow apple-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
xnera gives you 15 white passionfruit-flavoured jawbreakers.
scacynewise ends up with 86 pieces of candy.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Love me, love my blog...??
OK, here I am again. And here I am blogging again. Go figure, right?

I have the opportunity to go to a museum exhibition in Nashville of ancient Egyptian artifacts tomorrow. It's a school trip, and it will count as one of the "cultural experiences" I have to write about for Humanities. I will have Amy with me this weekend, so not sure if she will want to. I'm betting not, especially since it's Anime Saturday at the downtown library (they're showing the anime version of Metropolis, which I've seen before and like). Also, not sure if I can afford the trip...it's $14 for my admission to the museum (she gets in free), plus whatever we'd eat up there. Also, might have to drive myself or pay someone some gas money. So probably could not get out of the trip for less than $50 or so, and that's just too dear (to be British) right now.

My reaction to leaving Chatt. last night, I think, is a stress reaction. I'm just stressed. I look forward to seeing Amy this weekend, but it's stress as well...I have to drive to Cartersville and pick her up tonight, then we have to make sure her laundry gets done, and I have to entertain her somehow. Then have to drive back to Cartersville Sunday evening to drop her off. I hate driving long distances (1 hour-plus) by myself, and I have to do way too much of that here lately. Also, not sure what my money situation is, and almost scared to look. So stressed about that.

Made an 86 on my Psychology test today. I'm quite happy with that. Discussed my idea for a term paper with Dr. Hoff, which he approved. Have already started doing the research. I'm going to do the paper on the phenomenon of self-injury. The term paper is optional, I'm doing it to get an A in the class. With B test scores and the term paper, I think I can pull an A out of that class. The term paper counts 20 points extra credit.

Avery asked me to see The Departed last night, but as it was already midnight and had an 8 AM psych test, I declined (so I can be responsible, right?). Have to Google that movie and see what it's about, as Amy will probably want to see it and I need to check it out first to see if I will be able to stand it! I've already told her she'll have to find someone else for Saw III, I don't think I can hack that one. I didn't see Saw I or II either, and won't! Avery has told me too much about those, I know better than to subject myself to either one of them!

We (Avery and I) did go see Jackass II on Tuesday, it was mindless and really stupid, just what he and I both needed.

Wow, how about a very timely update??? Linda, one of Avery's roommates, just called me. Seems they all have to move out of where they are in Rossville ASAP because the local police keep harassing them about having out-of-state plates on their respective cars. They are all college students there! Seems like the cops would find something better to do than harass college students, but what do I know? Anyway, she wanted to know if I could afford to move in with her. The place she's found is $550 a month. I told her I can't afford a 2-way split, but I could do a 3-way, and I asked her if she'd be interested in sharing the 2-bedroom with Avery and me. She said that would be fine. So I just left a message for Avery (he's still asleep most likely) to see if he could do it.

God, is this the answer to a prayer of mine, that You would find a way for me to get out of my parents' house? I must pray fervently about this, and listen to what God would have me do.

I am also going to check out this part-time gig at the library. Gotta go!

A little lost...and excessively stressed!
I feel kinda like I've lost my way. Let me explain, if I can...

Last Saturday night, Teresa, Nina and I went to the Michael W. Smith concert. Awesome concert, and I really needed it as much stress as I've been under with Amy. Then, we all went to eat because we were all starving.

Teresa then proceeds to bash me over the head verbally! She started really being verbally aggressive, telling me she didn't understand why I wasn't going to school in Atlanta because that's where Amy is, that's my daughter after all, and why would I not do anything I could to help her, etc., etc. Just a very judgmental tone to the whole thing. So I told her the conversation had to stop because I felt very judged and it did. Then there were several minutes of awkward silence and Nina started talking again. The evening ended up better, and I was able to explain my point of view to her a little better.

But anyway, for some reason all day today her comment about me being in Atlanta for Amy has really stuck in my head. Why am I not down there? I could just as easily do the BSW program at Georgia State and live in the dorms down there.

I really don't feel like there's much holding me here in Chattanooga anymore. And that confuses me, because I always thought I loved Chattanooga (that's called "place identity," for all you SW people out there, we learned that in HBSE) and would never live any place else ever again.

But then again, if I did live down there, would it really change how much time we get to spend together? And also, how much more of a butt would Ray be if we lived in the same city? Which were the original reasons I decided not to move down there in the first place.

(sigh) I don't know. I'm stressed out. Midterms are here. I hate Spanish. It's getting hard. I hate having my attention divided between schoolwork, church, and Amy wacking out. I hate living at home. Mom has gone from depressed to practically morose, and Curtis is crazier than ever. Even my CoDA group is not much help anymore. All this free-floating anxiety is probably my stress level catching up to me. I need to probably go home, study for my psychology test tomorrow, and get some sleep, i.e., take care of ME, not everyone else.

I need to get back into the gym for stress relief, if nothing else.

Midterm and medical frustrations
It's been a long time (or feels like it anyway) since I have done a really good update. So I have extra time today, think I'll take care of that. Had a midterm in HBSE today. Think I did OK, at least a B. She gave extra credit (up to 4 points) which I did all of. 50 questions, all multiple choice or true/false. Have a psychology test Friday. Was given take-home midterm in Cultural Diversity (should be not much fun AT ALL).

Had to go to the emergency room last night. Skipped Spanish again (although Senora Bautista told me last week if I needed to it was OK). I have never been so frustrated with medical care (or lack of it) in all my life. I was in pretty good pain by the time I got there (after taking a hydrocodone about 4 PM, and not getting in there till about 4:45 and still being in pain). I didn't have to wait long, but the doctor they sent in to see me was quite rude. He said that the ER there would not see me for "non-emergency" care anymore. (Since when does someone doubled over with pain count as "not an emergency"?) This is being done region-wide, he said, because many people are using the ER as primary care (duh again, if you don't have insurance, you don't have much choice). He said if my condition had been going on for 3 weeks it was "not an emergency." (Didn't mention to him that it would not have gone on for 3 weeks if I had had access to adequate medical care, duh AGAIN!) When I told him I had been treating my pain with hydrocodone, first question out of his mouth was "where did you get it?" Like I'm some kind of narcotic drug abuser or something! (Just to keep it straight, it was an old prescription that I never used all of.) So they took blood and urine to rule out anything with urinary tract, then I had to wait 45 minutes, then got discharged...with a prescription for IBUPROFEN! Right! Like that's going to really help anything. I didn't even get it filled. And he diagnosed ovarian cysts again but did NO ultrasound or x-ray to really determine this! So really a total waste of time at the ER last night.

I have an appointment at a clinic in Trenton about 45 minutes away on Monday. At least they will see me with no insurance, but don't know what they can do for gynecological care there. Also I made an appointment to see a gynecologist with the Catoosa Co. Health Dept., but could not get that appointment till December 22! I sure won't have enough pain meds to last till then.

This CAN'T go on that long, can it?

It's kinda shocking to me how suddenly I'm living my life based on what my pain will let me do. Or in spite of what my pain wants me to do, maybe I should say. I'm still in school. So I drive 1/2 hour each way to school every day, and when you're in pain, that's a LONG FREAKING TIME. I drove to Atlanta Monday night to see Amy, and I have to say that the pain then was probably the worst pain I have EVER had besides childbirth.

Are there others out there that read my LJ that deal with chronic pain issues or know people that do? I'm getting a little nervous and scared here. If I end up having to have a hysterectomy, I'll have to drop out of school this semester (I'll be out of commission for 6 weeks or more). I almost wish I could have the hysterectomy, though -- at least this would fully resolve the pain situation. Or at least just take the left ovary out. Something...
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updating now...
Amy is out of the hospital. She got out yesterday. She's not out of the woods yet, but I saw her last night and she seems much better.

I am in a lot of ongoing pain. Driving to Atlanta last night, I had some of the worst pain I have ever experienced. It was like giving birth (on the same scale, in other words). I took a hydrocodone about 5 PM, and didn't really feel better till almost 9 PM. Haven't had any pain so far today until now, and it's starting up faintly again. If it continues and gets worse tonight after I get home, I'm going to the ER. I have had this for roughly 3 weeks now. It needs to be fixed one way or another.

I have a midterm in HBSE tomorrow that I feel woefully unprepared for. And of course, I'm updating my BLOG! We MUST get our priorities straight, right? lol...

Oh, I've lost 11 pounds, not sure how, but hey I'll take it! Also on the "appearance" front, Avery and I got to do the hair thing on Saturday, and my hair color is great! Amy said I'm all "goldy" when she saw it last night; she loves it, and so do I!

Praying for:

Amy of course. Also, her dad, my ex Ray. He's very stressed.
Avery. His uncle Gene is in the hospital with blood clots and pneumonia. He had surgery yesterday, and they removed 2 blood clots from his legs, but he's on a ventilator and still has the pneumonia to deal with. Haven't been updated today on what's going on, not yet.
Ann, a lady at my church. She has bladder cancer, and had to have her bladder removed. She's still in the hospital, she got an infection subsequent to surgery.
Ann's son, Willie. He has a scooter and got in an accident on the scooter while Ann was still in the hospital. They, of course, are in the same hospital...pretty weird, huh?

Gotta go and at least make an effort to study...

Pretty funny, actually, and how did they find out?
#4 SRK from RNBDJ

Eva is GOD

How could we have missed it all this time?
'What will your Headline be?' at QuizGalaxy.com


High-level Nerd here!
#4 SRK from RNBDJ
I am nerdier than 80% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

#4 SRK from RNBDJ
Thanks to everyone that posted.

Thanks also to Avery. Sweetie, I don't know how I'd have gotten through this week without you. I'm not done yet, but you've really been a lifeline when I have needed it.

Also, to Teresa...she doesn't even have a computer (!), but she has been a true angel in all of this. Supportive and kind.

The praise team at church all prayed for Amy, Ray and me Wed. night. They laid hands on me, and I felt God's comforting presence during that time.

Amy is touch and go. Saw her last night. She's flat and emotionless. We are being told that if she won't involve herself in outpatient therapy and she can't keep herself safe, she will have to go back into someplace long-term.

I'm tired. Going home, by way of lunch I think.

another day, another update
40 plus
So I'm in the student center. I never go to the student center, and I need to make more of a habit of it. There are TONS of computers in here, and just all over the place! Considering that I don't do much on the computer other than putz around though, I probably ought to use the computers over at the library more because they are more strict about what you use these computers for. Mainly they are to be used just for schoolwork and checking campus email. And there is a print limit over here, which there is not in the library.

So I got on campus early to go to the BSU. They have a Wed. worship service, so I went to that, and they were also looking for singers for their praise team, so I told them I was interested. Spoke to a very hyper young man named Bill (I think?) who got my 2 emails and cell # and told me he'd contact me about a practice time, etc. Their music needs help. Just a guitar and two guys singing right now. Don't know that I have all that much to offer, but that's not my call, is it? It's an opportunity to do something else to serve the Kingdom that is an outreach from what I'm already doing, and I feel like I need to try it anyway.

Psychology test on Friday, 82 on it. Humanities test as well, and I OWNED THAT TEST! I loved it! Everyone in my humanities class hates me, and I was told that if Dr. Harrelson gave us a curve for grades, I was *required* to purposefully fail the test. LOL, I don't think so!

OK, to recap the weekend:

1. Had Amy this weekend. We had a pretty good time, although my energy level was way down most of the day Saturday.
2. I got my ears pierced Sat.! I've never had my ears pierced in my life!
3. Amy went and hung out with Ryan and Kelli on Sat. night.
4. Sunday church was good. Not great, but good. I was still hoarse and cruddy, so I didn't sound as good as I would have liked.
5. Amy and I went to lunch Sunday with Avery & Sara, Erin, and Rachel (who I finally met after hearing tons about her from Avery, one of his old Lee Univ. friends). We had a blast!
6. After dropping Amy off with her dad at 3:30 or so, went back to Teresa's and we went downtown to a Sun. night worship service close to UTC. It was OK, Teresa was way more excited about it than I was. Their music was kinda rough-edged as well.
7. Spent the night at Teresa's Sun. night again (Amy and I had been at her house all weekend as it was), and had a long talk with her Sun. night. She's quite desperate for a boyfriend, and talked to her about maybe toning it down some? Hope she got it...
8. Mon. morning had orientation at The Rush. Very painful, and I'm still sore!
9. Then went to get my hair cut a little shorter to show off my earrings better and because the bangs were a little too long.
10. Then went to Lenoir City with Avery. He's thinking about trading in Arthur (his car, called so because of the big dent in the back, you know, Arthur Dent? If you don't get it, read the Hitchhiker Books by Douglas Adams...) for a 2001 Hyundai Sonata. It's a nice car, and very blue. Then went to Cleveland to Hollywood Video (where he used to work) and stopped in at the Supercuts next door, as he thought he wanted his hair trimmed. He also was going to pay for me to get my hair colored (he thinks lighter would be better, and I agree) but we didn't have time. So we ate at Shoney's, then came back to Chatt. and went to game at Glenn and Karen's house. We were there until 12:30 or so. Then came home and collapsed into bed.

My mom and I had a fight about leftovers last night. She was like, "that's very filling," so I asked her "do you mean don't eat all of that?" And she said, "yeah, that's what I mean." Now, that comment just flew all over me, as I haven't even been home for 3 days and she's already acting like I eat her out of house and home!!! So I put it all back and went to Cracker Barrel. Then I went home, changed, and walked for almost an hour at The Rush. I didn't really mean to go so long, but Boston Legal was on TV and it was the season premiere, and JS was looking SO fine...time just got away from me, but there at the end I was pretty sore so I did quit before the episode ended.

My gosh, this is a long entry! Gotta get to class...

an inappropriate display of emotion
#4 SRK from RNBDJ
OK, got TWO traffic tickets over the weekend. First one I got on Friday morning, as I was speeding down I-75 on the way to Dalton and school. I was running late to class, and had a test that morning (which I made an 82 on, not too bad for not having studied hardly at all). He clocked me at 86????!!!! Well, I don't doubt it totally, maybe one mph or two off, but not enough to fight about.

So THEN I get stopped today in Dalton for NOT WEARING A SEAT BELT, of all things (I ALWAYS WEAR IT, just decided not to that particular instant because I was going right back to campus after having eaten lunch). And I prayed I would not get another ticket, but I did anyway.

So the cop walks back to his car after having given me said ticket, and I burst into tears.

What gives with that? Am I hormonal or menopausal? A very frustrating emotional response on my part, and I didn't feel entirely in control of it. I got dried up pretty quickly, but it just worries me that my emotions are so hair-trigger sometimes.

There's a lot more to blog, of course, but I'll have to catch it up tomorrow, as I have to do some Spanish and then get to Spanish class.
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